1-15-09 i know its late but whatev (finished?)

I feel like a Greek tragedy truly I just finished texting the one who possible could have been a good candidate for boyfriend of a life time.
I met Chris the Thursday before xmas. we met at tiger heat and of course I was a bit inebriated. He was really cute and we seemed to like each we made out and danced all night. Afterwords he gave me a ride home in one of the most shady situations ever. We walked a couple blocks away from the Avalon. We ended in the darkest part of Hollywood...some back alleys. It seemed fine with him. After passing creepy winos and even more shady streets we found his car. Of course my horny-little-drunk-slut mouth had to ask "you want a blow job?". Well after finding the darkest spot we could find we took each other. He was gentle with a soft tender passionate kiss. Murmurs and soft sighs told each other how much we were enjoying the moment. He was an aggressive and oddly painful kisser but it didn't really bother me. He was cute and tender a perfect gentlemen.
I got his number but mistakenly didn't call him believing the usual.
"He probably already lost interest in me!"
"I was just a one time thing?"
"I'm not pretty enough!"
The worst vice ever. The low self image vice. It's ruined many chances and opportunities by grabbing my ego and strangling it till it turns blue and shrinks.

Not even the most angst alternative vampire music can me feel any better.

So its the Thursday after Christmas break and I finally have enough guts to text him since being single is really biting at me. And well he saddened by the fact I never called. I basically made him feel like he didn't even exist it wasn't my intention at all. So unfortunately he's allegedly faced with two months of 16 hour days at work. So I've decided to text him with petite encouraging messages as mush as I can... well at least one a day to make up for the phone call I missed my chance to make and show him I'm not a flake.
I just hope I don't prove myself wrong. That may be a tedious task since according to some bitch at AMDA reception I make excuses when I use the plain truth. I really hope that he can at least warm up to me as a friend. i also hope i can warm up to jazz dance tomorrow. I'm once again 2.1 because I'm afraid I'm not ever good enough. well I'm off to bed I should have done homework instead of man con questing.