i want my life back

OK sooo I have so much shit to do for school. because as soon as I'm done with class I wanna eat and sleep. And when I do my work like a normal college student the Internet doesn't work or the printers are out of toner. And if I connect to the printer on a school computer twenty fucking manuscripts of Stepmom start printing because the retard before didn't bother to check if they were connected to a printer before clicking the print button two thousand times. And you cant log on the Internet (heaven forbid) because all the computers have viruses because everybody is fucking looking up porn because they don't have enough time to masturbate in their own apartments since they're memorize twelve pages of Shakespeare they have to know in verbatim by the same day...........gwah AMDA just needs to slow down.....

boxes of chocolate and angels

dear reader so didn't make dance workshop....and well my make up demos are Tuesday as well but thanks to the lack of communication my accompanist didn't know that Tuesday was the demo day and therefore will not know if he'll be able to play. but that's ok cus he's cool..... and well I don't even know how I'll do since I haven't seen my voice teacher since last semester not having a lesson with her yet ( time for a change hmm?) I basically forgot all she taught me but remember what my accompanist told me to do with it. going back to the workshop I decided to enlist (what is this the fuggin army) in AMDAs poetry workshop just cus I've written poetry before and have been told it's very good...but I hope its good enough for AMDA standards jeesh. yeah I'm very bored in tired gnight

im sorry you're the bitch no one likes

OK yeah sooo we're actors right? we're given things no matter what they are and try to execute them in a orderly fashion right? We can make character choices right? Kauffy is the teacher right? we acknowledge you kindly right? We try our damndest to do everything we're asked to do right? Do you understand not all of us know music? Do you not know that your fellow faculty hates you?

if you say no to all of these then you're a dumbass and my advice to you is to shut you're fuggin cock trap sit down and play the damn piano

shove it

dear reader
I posted a blog here the other day saying someone was absolutely a horrible person and well I posted a similar comment to this person on facebook in public and right now I'm trying fix this. The worst part is my own insecurities ruined something that could have been well good possibly beautiful. Right now I ruin so much and I'm learning from it but its so hard I feel like that Yael Naim song. I'm too immature and I just need to fix my insecurities I don't ever want to ruin something that could work for me ever again I beg and hope that you don't be like me and find the your strengths and beauty before its too late to fix something

just a quick update

Soo h'ok the little demon in my head is right. Guys do lose interest me (yay) :( well I txt the guy from tigerheat today telling him I dint follow through with what I said because I was I didn't want to come of as a freak and I figured he lost interest in me his response......."ok"......................................

honey bees and pot (finished)

So I would like to say were finally BLACK in the WHITE HOUSE!!!!!! and hopefully fucking Obamer does some shit about this paper situation at AMDA. I honestly killed 13 trees within two weeks. yeah basically since we're actors we have to pretend to care for the environment too. What da fudge TITS.....T_T(looks its crying). yeah basically life has been ok so far I been thinking way to much I just need to slow down and just need to be calm and collective about this guy situation.

random hate:

1. I hate when anything isn't official or really unless its on one of the stupid social networks.
   
2. I also hate when my school disproves of something you had no control or knowledge of.
3. I also hate the fact that a performing arts academy is becoming a SCHOOL SCHOOL with this semesters classes.
4. dumb asses who ask about where class is every second
5. roommate who smoke pot

OK sooooo the roommate pot thing. yeah uhm its fine if he smokes pot when I'm not there out the window and uses the frebreeze after BUT when he and friends stick their dirty nasty grubby skater burn out feet/shoes in the tub to smoke out the bathroom window they leave nasty ass dirty feet marks WHAT THE DOUBLE DOGG FUCK AHHHHHHHHHHH. yeah i just feel like i have to pick up after both my roomies sometime but one not so much. STILL I'm not your fucking mommy cupcake go find some other bitch to clean up after your shit marks and grubby undies. honestly I'm Hispanic not a FUGGIN MAID...bitch anywho so uhm

goo too bedd..betch

Why i'm an actor (unfinished?)

I was so angry with her. I walked faster out of the theater as if I was transporting a deadly disgusting convict by leash. I felt that walking at a faster pace as if she was restraint would prove my point. I turned to sneer at her progress. She still staggered along with her own sets of feelings.

My poor mother was frustrated and confused with my reaction. Not anticipating this outing to end with her own son being disappointed in her actions. I've never been as ungrateful with her as I had been that night. I must have been a monster that night. A dirty nasty snooty monster who cared about nothing but its own benefit and entertainment. The night wasn't a total failure lessons were learned and truths discovered.

It began a couple of weeks before this said incident. I was fifteen and just discovering music arts and...well boys I had just been realizing theater had to be a major part of my life, and a family friend had received tickets for each performing arts show Williams College had to offer for the summer.

I had just went to one of my favorite plays "Lucy and the conquest" starring Bernard White the older but still oddly attractive actor from the "Matrix Series". The "stick-to-yo-hispanic-roots-ish" theme of the play really won me over. Also meeting the absolutely amazing cast backstage was another perk of seeing the play with a Williams college employee. I felt like an apprentice paparazzi ready to ask any cliche question
"How do you prepare for such a role?"
"What was the most challenging part of this role?"
"Wanna make out?

Well of course I wouldn’t ask the last question to the cast...well expect for maybe one. There was an attractive guy who appeared in only tight pleather shorts half way through the play.

Then came the race relation orientated one act "Panorama". An amazing two short act play which of course is where my mom’s cell phone has to ring during the second act. So yes I was indeed angry with her and I didn’t forgive her for two whole days. But well I guess you can say why it’s a pivotal moment in my life yeah…….I love theater GO SOX!

1-15-09 i know its late but whatev (finished?)

I feel like a Greek tragedy truly I just finished texting the one who possible could have been a good candidate for boyfriend of a life time.
I met Chris the Thursday before xmas. we met at tiger heat and of course I was a bit inebriated. He was really cute and we seemed to like each we made out and danced all night. Afterwords he gave me a ride home in one of the most shady situations ever. We walked a couple blocks away from the Avalon. We ended in the darkest part of Hollywood...some back alleys. It seemed fine with him. After passing creepy winos and even more shady streets we found his car. Of course my horny-little-drunk-slut mouth had to ask "you want a blow job?". Well after finding the darkest spot we could find we took each other. He was gentle with a soft tender passionate kiss. Murmurs and soft sighs told each other how much we were enjoying the moment. He was an aggressive and oddly painful kisser but it didn't really bother me. He was cute and tender a perfect gentlemen.
I got his number but mistakenly didn't call him believing the usual.
"He probably already lost interest in me!"
"I was just a one time thing?"
"I'm not pretty enough!"
The worst vice ever. The low self image vice. It's ruined many chances and opportunities by grabbing my ego and strangling it till it turns blue and shrinks.

Not even the most angst alternative vampire music can me feel any better.

So its the Thursday after Christmas break and I finally have enough guts to text him since being single is really biting at me. And well he saddened by the fact I never called. I basically made him feel like he didn't even exist it wasn't my intention at all. So unfortunately he's allegedly faced with two months of 16 hour days at work. So I've decided to text him with petite encouraging messages as mush as I can... well at least one a day to make up for the phone call I missed my chance to make and show him I'm not a flake.
I just hope I don't prove myself wrong. That may be a tedious task since according to some bitch at AMDA reception I make excuses when I use the plain truth. I really hope that he can at least warm up to me as a friend. i also hope i can warm up to jazz dance tomorrow. I'm once again 2.1 because I'm afraid I'm not ever good enough. well I'm off to bed I should have done homework instead of man con questing.

i just want my turn (finished)

Ok so after what I think is building up enough courage over the past couple of months to basically do anything in the performing arts school I have realized my efforts have been thwarted........ Not Cool. So i like boyz...ok yeah we can all agree for those of you who know me well know its a fact. And well when it comes to guys I don't get much luck I usually get assholes or the occasional casual sex encounter(later blogs will confirm this fact). but what sucks is that when I finally think Ive met a nice guys who can really be "the one" its all ruined by this big ass slut of a fag. Now my friend and I have encountered this slut on several occasions knowing that all he's ever wanted was a moan and spurt! that dick. Luring me and my friends (separately) with the "I don't know what I want I kiss girls and boys" bullshit....dude lets be honest the bright green short sleeve jacket with tight black audrey hepburn pants DOESN'T scream "I WANT PUSSY!"....cus lets face it you are one cus you don't have enough huevos to ask one out.......BUT when you Finally do its happens to be the one I believe is good pick..for myself I EVEN TOLD YOU I LIKED HIM....mmmm the only thing I can think of is that your still a bit sore from being outed as a horny asshole looking for quick sex (that's another blogg). but for now I'm tired and must get rest and stop thinking about cus I never know whats gonna happen

goodnight shove it