or like

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

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apparantly dear reader

I write like
William Gibson

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

i hate this

I like to ruin
And involve myself with things I don't know
I'm worthless
The fact is I shouldn't really open my mouth or spend that money or lie
I'm undeserving
I'm rude and careless
lazy and weak
why am I so insensitive
I want o run
I want to cry
I want to scream
I like to write stories but can't manage my own
I really do “ruin everything”
I say the wrong thing
I never do my work right
I want the end result before the basics
This glass house can't take anymore stones

dear reader I'm feeling worse and worse each day

Something Obscure (unfinished) I don't even know

I don't even know what love is
every time I feel like I've lost it I don't feel anything
I feel like I should
I shouldn't not feel
I want to feel
that what I do
I'm an actor
maybe my true self just come out when i perform
not when I live
It's so weird what kind of person am I?
If I can only feel when the reality is fake
is thriving of drama wrong?
do I need stop ruining things for myself
accept everything as a gift even if I don't want it
In reality I want things but if I don't get them i just don't care for the rest.
should I care more for the things given to me?
I hate fate and reality I want to control these things I want to feel and fight for things I want, need?
Am I right? or am I just selfish?

I don't want to give up

Point 1

I should be sent to the island of misfit gays. Ok so my gay does come out and it has come out more since I've been in L.A. but seriously I out of place. The only thing I feel that really connects me to the res to the gay community sometimes is Theater. L.A. and my lisp.......(fuck). And I don't want to be a straight acting guy either I just want to be my damn self. I want my first impressions to be (in a mid-western dialect) "oh he's a dear" or "he's a talented Mr. isn't he?"

Point 2

Its so harsh to simply just give up on something but dear read whom ever you may be (my cat) I mean I've seen it done around me with passions, friends and a bond that someone said they would always feel.

• one person I know made a video about people a while back and she felt really strongly about these people and thought their bond would withstand anything now she bad mouths them to me.. I'm still with most of the group she never should have edited that video.
• Now my friend back home loves music its his passion but after one set back hes decides he's not good enough and just gives up. Everyone tells hims that he's talented (he is don't get me wrong) but we should stop telling him because if he's going to not believe in himself and give up then i don't feel like i should waste my breathe. He need apply to more options or reevaluate his passion
• Now it even suck when two sides of a friend dispute just give up on being friends it really makes me sad. I mean I guess both parties did have fault in making things awkward. what confuses me the most is that I thought we resolved this matter and we all stayed friends even after night of all of us shedding tears I guess we never should have shed any tears but we should have a shed a friendship instead ( take it poetic or not but that's the only way to describe it in my heart)

I'm someone who knows what its like to give up and I'm not saying I'm perfect and I follow through with everything but I for a long time wanted to give up everything but I realized why should I give up when there's so much to fight for like friendship passions or even this earth.
Am I unrealistic?

You say potato I say it means comunism works

So my computer has a six inch long ( ;D ) condom sticker that says "just wear it." In black letters over the white silhouette of a condom in a black box that again is six inches long. I feel (when someone enters the gallery) to cover my sticker or make it less obvious. dear reader I suffer from the disease called "connotative meaning " . I know what you're saying how could I suffer from a concept well the fact is the symptoms are clear and made-up. We all experience this disease with our own symptoms and ailments and its sometimes irreversible.

I'm right now sitting in the downtown North Adams gallery toy shrine called Maya lll. This shrine of toys is assembled with nothing but glue wire and childhood hand-me-down plastic pieces of life's most valued memories. They're diligently woven together to create a true meaning we may find evident within ourselves. Dear reader again you may be asking why I'm telling you about this and whatever happened to the "connotative meaning disease" ...

Well one of the gallery attendants was smart enough to right down various ideas of what visitors and passer by thought of the artwork . Several ideas from "creating you identity" to "sins of the father" were written down. The one that struck me the most was " A junk drawer used in a creative way". I'm not saying this persons felt negatively about the instillation. I feel that culture has given us a whole new meaning on the statements given us or that we create ourselves.
Due to environment, life experience and just the way we were raised. People are given the tools to there own meaning. So I believe dear reader that art may have a purpose of the artist but the interpretation and the meaning can be given by who soever wants. A perfect example is the infamous Mona Lisa you say potato I say she smiling, you say tomato I say its a self portrait. True beauty and meaning varies so much much that there isn't any absolute truth anymore.

So my condom sticker is hidden because not all meaning is of my own. my meaning is who ever decides to screw around should ride the latex glove to the oven of creation or the exit of dumpness( whatever you're into) to avoid AIDs or BABYs. But to someone else it the invitation to promiscuity and depravity and to some suttbex. To others it's know all tell all simple and relaxed word.

So some of you are wondering "what the cure?"... well there isn't. The only thing to do is to analyze more and more and think about why you give things the meaning they have. Well I hope they're all good meanings. I mean people burned books because of what they felt was the true meaning behind something. Well reader till we meet again.

junxtaposition

i can pretend to turn this cheek or that one
or even raise my nose up
with a sense of self worth and loathing
i fall harder to the ground
each tear impacting my chest
causing a sort of imploding pain
to my exploding angst and aggravation
as i learn the hardest of lesson of love and life
each like
in the case of alanis a pill of jagged proportions
but more so the p!nk version of a pill that doesn't make it better at all just worse
sitting in my room with this juxtaposition of image and feeling
false and real serious and laid back
causing a swirl in the pool on my memory of this salty saline solution
that makes my problems unresolved
im the living emotion river
lacking the hottopic price tag
and immature tagging
broken form of a previous handlers mistreatment
i don't know if this symphonies key change goes to cute major or minor ending
all i know is that this barrage of spears of action films past
are blowing through my chest
and its making it pretty damn hard to play my part
my fingers tremble now as i write speak type and tickle these
unrelenting feelings
the worst of all phobias knocking a my door burlap sack in one hand and spade in the other
just ready to smother me in my most helpless of situations
the door to door salesman that has
""Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" tattooed against his sack
the one i lick and stimulate
the one im of a course a little bitch for
my fate caused by my own hand or finger
not dialing the right corresponding tiles of numbers and letters
and lets face it its hard if you have seen a phone for the first time and don't know why so many symbols are on one key
not blaming someone because its not proper and not what going on or whatever
wondering maybe straight ahead is the way to be
and not a fag all the time
a fantastically amorous guy
for those of you who don't know me and may get
scared
offended
prejudice
phobic
neurotic
jealous
incomplete
questioning
curious
certain
stubborn
and not just the breeder but the cock feeders too

so what is to become of me
as i venture down to the salty depths of my eyes
to the black paint
tainted pill and alcohol concoction
the release and relaxed poop shoot of emotion
well i think ill be fine
i will run scream cry cream
my pants the tortilla
till its nice and sweet
and i heard possibly doing what many fear and never do