im a little bitch

OK so I guess I'm spineless aren't I..... it was brought to my attention the other day during rehearsal that my inability to make lighter start summed me up?......(well it was windy) but really am I really that helpless sometimes well I don't want to be anymore I wont just sit back I want to be more proactive I guess its time to stop just blaming my childhood and past experiences and just fix it right? well hopefully I can......gwah